Circular about circles

We start, we toil, we end. Then we start again from square one. But the problem with the square is obviously that it is circular, leading us back to the same point. It is going to be 10 years (the zero of 10 being circular here) since I entered AMC, and I am going to leave it again, hopefully this year only (with the Grace of God).

Following Einstein's general theory of  Relativity, if you can follow it with adequate amounts of gravity, you will end up curving your path into a big circle so again you end up where you started. that's the same thing written in the first paragraph, thus proving we come back to the same things over and over again (wish I can too-but read ahead to understand).

And in these years my stomach has been trying to be another big circle. When my mom had told me to be an all rounder, I hadn't thought of being a circle!!! But I have made a lot of circles around AMC and a lot of rounds (obviously circles) too. Gave my bit of circular answers in rounds. But that didn't stop my belly from assuming the circular shape.

If you remember your Venn diagrams, post grad life was a circle overlapping two circles. Once we could pretend to be as mighty as a professor in front of the tiny tots fresh from First Professional, and grind them asking clinical anatomy questions; other times we could try to throw the Brahmastra "funda"s to neutralize the question of our teachers like the undergrads. And somewhere in the middle could prance around with the interns. Some of us guys went a couple of (dancing) steps ahead and would circle around trees with interns of the fairer sex. But only a lucky few could look ahead to the 7 circles ("phere"s) that would proverbially bind them together in some tangly circles.

Coming to the point (which is basically the smallest possible circles with 0 radius), from my ever widening circles, I am going to miss my Alma mater maybe until I complete another circle to return here. But all my wishful thinking will be back to the circular square one if I end up with a big circle in my final exams. (Any wishes to the contrary are highly solicited)....

PS-Hope I haven't made your head go in circles.

The Penguin Flew, i mean flu

4^th of September, 2009; by our special correspondent. To add to the scare of bird flu and swine flu, now there is the hazard of penguin flu!!! A new strain H1N13 of influenza virus affecting penguins is now feared to be freely communicable with humans. Statistics show the death of 13,000,002 people worldwide is imminent and those last 2 persons might be you and me!

Myths about penguin flu:

1. Penguin flu can be acquired by sunbathing in the Arctic: scientist confirm that sunbathing in the Arctic does not spread penguin flu even in beaches populated by penguins. They claim people are perfectly safe sunbathing in Arctic beaches (as long as they don’t get sun burn).

2. Penguin flu is sexually transmitted: Again the learned scientists say that the only confirmed mode of spread is by droplet infection. If you want to have coital activity with a person with known H1N13 infection, just make sure you take along a closed breathing apparatus.

3. People wearing black and white are more prone to Penguin flu: Scientists assure people that the virus does not have eyes. All people wearing black and white dresses, including lawyers, will not be mistaken by the virus to be penguins!

Guidelines for management

All patients are to be categorized as under:

A. Category A: Patients with mild fever plus cough/ sore throat with or without bodyache, headache, diarrhea and vomiting.

Advice: Patients should build an igloo and confine themselves to the Arctic and avoid mixing up with public and family members.

B. Category B: Classical Penguin flu characterized by the mnemonic “FLEW”

a. Flying Penguins: Hallucinations of flying penguins

b. Leucocytosis: Increase in White blood cells

c. Elevated RBC count (polycythemia): increased RBC may give a ruddy complexion in the face like that of penguins

d. Waddling gait: Gait resembling that of penguins

Advise: Patients should give up all hope of returning to warmer latitudes (severe heat intolerance may lead to death). They should try to learn the language and customs of penguins. Gradually, they will be accepted by the penguins as one of their own.

Prevention:

1. Do not go to the Arctic till it is winter
2. Do not play with the penguins
3. Get infected with bird flu-anyone with a natural infection with H5N1 acquires resistance to penguin flu.

DISCLAIMER: This article was submitted by our correspondent in Republic of Congo, central Africa. He developed heat stroke after submission. As such, we are unable to validate most of the information given above. The reader is free to make his or her own judgement. Any comments are welcome…